Tyrannosaurs Can Be Female, Too

Despite the movements of women's suffrage and feminism, modern society still features gender-based stereotyping, and some stereotypes have at least some basis in biology. Genes aside, our kids learn gender roles as eagerly as they learn everything else in their environment. It's hard to completely eliminate gender bias—I know I tried, but I'm sure I didn't succeed.


It is interesting but not shocking that my young girls tended to talk about their cuddly stuffed animals as female, using “she” and “her” and female names, but that only a few of the plastic dinosaurs were identified as female—and that the Tyrannosaurs always seemed to be male. T-rex is often portrayed as a “vicious” and necessarily “violent” predator—and my kids had somehow picked up on the idea that males tend to be more aggressive than females (which is true of some species but not others, and nothing to do with predation!).

Naturally, when we read books about T-rex, and when we saw dinosaur exhibits at museums, I had the opportunity to point out that around half of the Tyrannosaurs were, in fact, female.


Apparently, however, from what I read in my journal entries, I did not point out every stereotype my kids referenced in play. I remember that there were times in which we discussed sexism head-on, but that was probably when the kids were a bit older. And as they matured, I imagine that the kids may have policed their own sexist assumptions in play.

(They sometimes policed others' sexism, too! I vividly remember some boys telling Lindsey that only boys could climb trees. She informed them that they were being sexist, and the boys were horrified. They ran to me to tell on her—saying, “Lindsey said a bad word!” I had to teach them what sexism means and that, although being sexist is bad, saying the word sexist isn't bad!)

Building Blocks and Toy Guns

Over the years, we had a lot of little boys over to play. Often these boys were about the same age as either Mindy or Lindsey, and usually they played well together. Here are a few of the very general tendencies I noticed (again, these tendencies could be biological or societal in origin—or, more likely, both):

• The younger girls tended to use blocks to build enclosures for dolls and stuffed animals. That meant low walls—usually only one block high—and doorways and gates and pathways. These block creations tended to spread out and out, taking up entire floors of rooms at times. And the block play tended to be just a set-up for the longer pretend play with the dolls and toy animals.

In contrast, the younger boys tended to build towers. Only one block wide, these creations went up and up until they toppled down with a tremendous crash. Sometimes the towers went up and up and then there would be pretend play—about 15 seconds' worth, ending with a gorilla attack, lightning, or bombs—anything that would bring down the towers with a crash.

• When the kids were older, both sexes tended to use and enjoy Legos more than wooden blocks. Both boys and girls tended to create enclosures that had both height and length/width—realistic buildings that could hold Lego people. Some of the boys tended to elaborate on the building part of the play and never really got around to playing with the Lego figures inside their creations, and some of the girls tended to rush through the model building but lavished a lot of time to the conversations and actions of the Lego people. Most boys and girls, however, struck a pretty good balance between model building and pretend play with figures.

• I knew mothers of boys who didn't want to buy toy guns for their sons. They often complained to me that everything became a gun—not just their sons' fingers, sticks, and blocks, but even vegetables, action figures, and dolls. I didn't have that worry. When my daughters asked for weapons—say, when they were very “into” the Laura Ingalls Wilder books and wanted a rifle for protection and hunting, or when they were enraptured by a book about Native Americans and wanted a bow, some arrows, and a knife—I gladly bought toys to fill these “needs.”

In their pretend games, my girls almost always used weapons as protection against wild beasts or as tools to hunt for food. Some boys who came and visited played along with these scenarios, but others seemed to gravitate toward the weapons as fun in and of themselves, and they would usually destroy play scenarios by randomly “shooting” everyone else. Of course, this caused bitter complaints: “You're ruining our game!”

(One little boy actually used our rather heavy wooden “rifle” as a weapon, on several occasions, and conked others in the head. After two such incidents, I decided to put the rifle away before he came over.)

I doubt if the boys who loved*loved*loved guns at age 5 and 8 are now, as young adults, any more violent or any more apt to use an actual weapon than the boys who used the guns only for hunting and protection.

From age 3 to 6, my girls tended to choose frilly dresses over more practical shorts and jeans. For weeks at a time, my girls chose their father and papa over their mother and grandma (at least for fun—boo-boos tended to be another matter altogether). Through all their preschool years, when toy boats and cars were available, my girls preferred dolls (although those dolls sometimes loved a nice boat or car ride). My daughters learned and participated in gender roles all too well—but they also participated as I discussed bending gender lines and expectations, too.

And I think it all turned out pretty well.