Being Left Out

Three can be a tricky number, when it comes to play groups, because two kids can “leave out” the third. In our teeny unschool group of Mindy, Lindsey, and Camille, the most likely kid to be left out was Lindsey, because she was younger.

I tried to keep an eye out for any mean behavior, including exile from the group, and of course I talked to the girls if I thought they were being mean. However, there are good reasons for kids to sometimes want to be by themselves or to play or talk with just one friend. There are times when kids want to be away from their siblings, as well.

Looking back, I'm glad that the teeny group wasn't just these three kids, all the time. I'm glad that Lindsey got a chance to go off with Delia and Kiki, in the most recent journal post, and that friends would come over and play sometimes. There can be all sorts of groupings in the ebb and flow of people coming and going.

Another thing I notice as I look back at the journal entry is that Camille felt hurt by being excluded but didn't especially notice that she was being excluded on ridiculous grounds (“no five year olds” when Mindy herself was five!). Also, she apparently wasn't that hurt—she just dove into doing her favorite activity with me. Later, Lindsey and Kiki were being left out in the most pointed way, with a sign specifying that people of their particular age weren't allowed, but they didn't even notice or, at least, mind. After all, they had each other. Finally, I noticed that the mean-seeming exclusionary sign was really (though we didn't know it) in preparation of a fun surprise; Mindy and Camille were excluding the younger kids so that they could set up a pretend store that the kids could play with them.