Showing posts with label make believe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label make believe. Show all posts

Journal Entry 5

Thursday,
September 17


Camille arrives this morning seeming very droopy. I realize that she (1) has t
o get up earlier than my girls, and (2) has to get dressed / brushed / ready / and out of the house early, too.

Luckil
y, she soon cheers up when I offer to read to all three girls. We sit down and read Who Sank the Boat? and The Puppet Theater Fairy Tales.

The girls begin to play, as they often do, with dolls. This time it's Cabbage Patch dolls, because Camille has brought hers over to play with the others' dolls. The three girls carefully dress Caroline, Carrie, and Baby Lynette.

Suddenly the fully clothed dolls are left on the floor,
unplayed with—and the girls are busy dressing themselves. Actually, they aren't “dressing” so much as “dressing-up”: wrapping themselves with long swaths of cloth of all colors and patterns.

“We are children from other lands,” Camille tells me, arranging her drapery artistically.

“Oh! Cool! What
other lands?” I ask.

She looks blank and turns to the others, who just keep on winding more cloth around and around.


“Mmm...” I say. “Camille, you look like you're Thai. From Thailand?” I suggest.

She turns back to
me with a serious face. “Yes, that's what I am,” she solemnly agrees.

“Where do you think I'm from?” Mindy asks.

“Gee...you look Indian, from India.”

“Yes, that's what I am,” she says with a huge smile. I realize that she has reused Camille's exact words. We are beginning to sound like one of those kids' books that uses repetition like verse.

I turn to Lindsey, who is wearing bright woven fabrics: “Gee...you look South American,” I te
ll her. (I don't know why I went all continental on that one. Just because she's young and wouldn't know Peru?)

“Yes, that's what I am,” she says, instinctively playing along with the repetition motif.

The girls move away from me and inter
act with each other, three strangers from three different lands. I start unloading dishes, then move to sort some laundry. The latter task puts me near their play, and I realize that the girls have created some elaborate plot in which somebodies' fathers are dying.

I don't know what that's all about.

That reminds me t
hat Mindy has suddenly been “into” males. She told me last night, “When men are in the house, I like to follow them around and be with them, more than I like women.”

This was startling to me, and I asked the natural question: “Men? What men?”

Mindy looked up at me. “Daddy and Grandpa, of course!”


Yeah. Of course. What other men could there be?


Remembering that conversation with a smile, I take a load of laundry out to the garage. When I get back into the house, Mindy asks me to comb her hair in a “fancy Indian style.”

G-ulp. I'm not that good with hair. And I have no idea what a fancy Indian hairstyle would look like!

Still, I try my best, and Mindy seems completely satisfied with the half-up style with pinned-up-swirls.
Naturally, I instantly get two more hairstyling “clients.” Funnily enough, Camille and Lindsey don't ask for “fancy Thai” and “fancy South American” styles (which, honestly, is a very good thing for my lack of hair kno
wledge)—they want just what Mindy has. I battle with a knot in Lindsey's hair, with bobby pins and hair clips, and with covered elastic bands—but eventually I triumph over hair and hair apparatus and am looking at three “fancy” coiffures.

Mindy reminds me of a cartoon she doesn't watch but that she catches glimpses of as we tune in the next show, Muppet Babies. Mindy says, “Remember that show, Mom? The horse in that show is MAGNIFICENT!” I can hear the capital letters in her voice. Mindy goes on: “I'm going to dress this horse just like him!”

She gets out on
e of her toy horses with long lavender hair. I notice that, although her play with hairstyling and lavender horses usually assumes that the horses are female, this time she's using “he” and “him.” Very interesting.

The other girls get out horses, too, and all three begin to comb and adorn horse tails and manes.
Mindy holds up her finished product, saying, “Oh, do you
look MAGNIFICENT!” Then she turns to another horse who is still languishing in the toy box.

Camille suggests, “Let's sing that Mr. Rogers' song 'I Like to Tame My Time,' okay?”


Another TV show we don't watch. Mindy doesn't know the song but agrees to sing it and struggles to follow along.


—Oops! I guess she does know the song a little (from somewhere), because she is now leading!


After the song is over, Camille proclaims, “I want my horse to look magnificent... beautiful... cute... magnificent!”

All I can think of is how magnificently beautiful (and cute) these girls are.

***

When a substantial number of their to
y horses are styled, the kids lose interest. I help them pose their Cabbage Patch dolls and fancy-haired horses and then clean up the combs and clips mess. As soon as we're done with all that, Mindy makes a break for the dinosaur “activity books” I had laid out on a table, ready for the moment when the kids wonder “what now?”

Soon all three are coloring dinosaurs. Camille chooses a crayon carefully—le
mon yellow—but then takes the time to ask if that particular dinosaur was, in fact, yellow.















So we have a rather long conversation
about dinosaur colors. I get out some of the books we've been reading, and the kids talk about the colors that the illustrators used. We talk about the fossilized remains of dinosaurs that scientists use to learn about them. “Even the few times we have a print made from where the skin pressed into mud,” I say, “that doesn't tell us the color of the skin, does it? Like a footprint in sand is the color of the sand, not the foot.” The girls “get” that, and conclude that we have no way of knowing what color the various dinosaurs were.

We discuss how illustrators and toy makers decide on dinosaur colors, and I say something about
some modern reptiles having coloration that helps them blend in with their surroundings, so they can hide. “Like green lizards and snakes that are camouflaged among plants,” I explain.

Camille, looking at an illustration of bold purple-and-orange dinosaurs, innocently asks, “Were plants purple and orange back in dinosaur times?”


So then I talk a bit about plant pigments that absorb the sunlight that plants need to make food, and how some of th
ese pigments are red or purple, but most are green. I casually use the word chlorophyll when talking about the green pigments, and it doesn't faze the kids a bit, but who knows how much of all of this they will actually absorb?

In the meantime, the girls have some pretty brightly colored dinos emerging
from their pages—including Camille's lemon-yellow dinosaur!

Mindy has moved on to doing a dot-to-dot picture. She asks me what comes after 9 (surely she
knows already!?), and I calmly say ten while pointing to the number 10. “And after that comes eleven,” I say, pointing to the number 11. “What do you think comes after 11?” Mindy easily draws to the 12-dot and is merrily on her way—but then pauses again to ask me what comes after 19. “Two-O, which is the number twenty. Then 21.” She easily deals with 21 through 29 and then pauses to ask— —you guessed it!— “What comes after 29?” I explain, still patient, but I'd love it if she figured it out on her own!

As they color and dot-to-dot a
nd help dinosaurs find their way through mazes, the girls sing songs from “Free to Be You and Me.”

“Let's play Dino Lotto,” Mindy suggests. All three girls find it easy to find matching dinosaurs (and other prehistoric creatures), but Lindsey starts to get a little upset when Camille and Mindy fill up their lotto cards before she can hers. I distract her with a toy she really likes right now, a pegboard.


“Now some books,” Camille suggests. We read two books about dinosaurs and then a library book called Tell Me a Trudy. Lindsey plays with the pegboard while we read, but when I finish the Trudy book, she announces that she is hungry.

I make a q
uick, nutritious snack for my two girls and finally coax Camille into eating breakfast. While they eat, I put away the library books, dino lotto game, and dinosaur activity books. What dinosaur-related item should I put out next? I consult a list I had brainstormed into existence a while ago, see a measuring activity, and think, “Good plan.”

I go out to the garage and find the metal measuring tape. I put it, a ball of yarn, and the sidewalk chalk onto a table, and Mindy's interest is instantly roused. “What's that?”


“A measuring tape and some yarn and the chalk,” I answer.

“Yeah, but what's it for?”

“Well, after you guys finish eating, and we clean up, you'll see.”


Lickety split, I soon had 3 filled bellies, a cleaned-up table, and the girls' attention.

“What's that stuff for?” Camille repeated.


“Well, remember we keep talking about how huge and long the dinosaurs were?” I ask the girls.

“Yeah!”

“Well, we keep reading that scientists think supersaurus was about 100 feet long, but I was wondering if we know how long that really is? So I thought we'd find out. And that means going outside, out front.”

Enthusiasm greets this suggestion, and we go out to the sidewalk. I make a mark near the corner and stand right on that mark, and
I direct the kids to each take a piece of chalk and walk away from me in a straight line. When they think they've gone 100 feet, they should make a mark on the sidewalk and then write their name by their estimation. (I explain that estimation means guess.)

The girls walk and walk and keep turning back to look at me. Finally each
of them stops and makes her mark.

“Are you going to guess, Mommy?” Lindsey asks.


So I walk to a spot—carefully NOT counting out paces, because I just want to see what
my intuition tells me is the right length—and I mark a line and my name on the sidewalk.

“Now let's check our estimates,” I say.

We use the measuring tape to mark
the yarn every ten feet (I have to run into the house to get masking tape and a Sharpie pen), and then we carefully use our jumbo yarn-tape-measure to mark 100 feet.

It turns out, we were all pretty far off—our guesses were all way too long!

Once we mar
ked the 100-foot length, I consulted some notes I'd made and did some more quickie measurements and marks on the sidewalk. Then I take the kids on a “Dinosaur Walk.” As we walk along the sidewalk together, I say, “This is the supersaur's head. Here is its neck...keep walking...keep walking! Okay, now we're to the body...still the body. And here is the tail...more tail...and still more tail!”

The kids love it! They run inside to get some dolls, then they take turns leading their dolls on the same dino tour, sticking pretty close to the words I'd used even though their proportions are a little bit different. They clearly get the main idea that sauropods had loooooooong necks and loooooooong ta
ils.

As we walk back to the house, the girls see a telephone pole and pretend it is a looong sauropod neck. They crane their necks to look up at the “dinosaur's head.”

Suddenly this changes into a game of “I Spy,” which we play for several turns. Mindy and Lindsey seem most intent on noticing little natural items that will stump the rest of us, and Camille seems
intent on making it a word game. The game starts off with a rhyme, “I spy with my little eye...” before getting into the guessing-game part: “something green!” But she keeps up the rhyming, the sillier the better. “A green machine? A green...a green thing? A green bean? Oh! A green queen!”

* * *

Home again, the older two girls decide to sew. They get out some fabric and their school scissors. I decide I had better supervise and bring some laundry over to fold while I keep my eye on things.

Mindy says that she is going to sew “a dress for Caroline and overalls for my little bear.” Camille states that she will make a costume for Baby Lynette. (Carrie, Camille's Cabbage Patch doll, is languishing nearby, no doubt waiting for someone to offer to sew someth
ing for her!)

Lindsey shows no interest in cutting fabric and sewing. Instead, she has grabbed the plastic fold-up ruler that came with a toy tool bench and is “measuring” everything.

The girls talk about measuring, and Camille asks to borrow the ruler. She then measures Carol
ine and Carrie. She passes the ruler over to Mindy, who also measures and compares the two dolls.

“They are the same!” Camille states correctly. “That means they are born on the same day,” she concludes...not so correctly.


I open my mouth to challenge her logic, but Mindy is answering, so I shut my mouth again and wait to see what she says.


“I guess so....:” Mindy starts. “When was Carrie's birthday, Camille?”

Camille says that her doll's birthday was in May.

“Well, mine's is in June,” Mindy starts to
reply. “Wait!—Mom, when is Caroline's birthday?”

Cabbage Patch dolls arrive with a name and a birthday already printed on the adoption papers, so there is one “right” answer, and I provide it: “November 1.”


Camille says, “Oh, Carrie's is December 1.”


I'm confused as to Carrie's birthday being in May AND December. But I s
hrug off all concerns about logic because I'm so pleased that Lindsey has started to help me match socks and fold laundry. With her help, I quickly finish the load.

Lindsey gets some dolls to play with. I take the laundry into the bedrooms and put it away, then hurry back to supervise the sewing project.

I chuckle when I hear Camille lecture her doll, “Carrie, you're only five—you don't know much—I haven't taught you. Wait until you're six!”


Even funnier, a few minutes later, is Camille s
pouting off about her doll's desire to have more than one costume for Halloween. “It's frustrating!” Camille complains to us. She turns back to her doll, saying, “Carrie, please, would you stop all this nonsense?”

* * *

I have to run a few errands, so we all get ready to go out. We go to the copy shop and then stop by the grocery store to buy a few needed items. I tell each girl that she can choose one piece of fruit to buy and eat.

Camille asks, “Can I choose fruit juice?” She holds up one of those special individual-serving all-natural fruit juices, and I say sure. Possibly a mistake, because Mindy and Lindsey immediately decide they want juice, too.

Sigh. Less fiber, more sugar (fructose), and probably fewer vitamins. Oh, well.


I give each girl money so she can buy her own juice, and then I pay for my larger order. As we go out to the car, Mindy asks if she can keep the ticket.

“Ticket?” I ask.


“This ticket,” she say
s.

“Oh, the receipt,” I answer.


“What's a receipt?” Lindsey asks.


“Those little bits of paper are called receipts,” I explain. “And they show that we paid for the things
we bought. They're sort of like proof.” I turn to Mindy. “Yes, you can keep your receipt if you want.”

When we get home, the girls drink their juice and rinse the bottles. Then the two older girls resume their “sewing projects,” which now involve draping and knotting, plus some large-scale stitching with needle and thread.


Lindsey has found the
T-rex model and is trying to talk to Camille through it. Camille doesn't answer. After several attempts, Camille finally responds: “I won't talk to you, because you're bad.”

We discuss the wo
rd bad in relation to behavior, and I ask if meat eaters doing what they have to do, to stay alive, are really being bad. Lindsey defends T-rex, saying that he can't help what he is. (I notice that, in this world of mostly-females, T-rex is a “he.”)

In the meantime, Lindsey is looking around for something non-upsetting t
o feed T-rex. “What can we feed him, Mom?” she asks.

Picture: A tyrannosaur considering behaving badly?

“Steak?” I suggest.

“Yeah!” Mindy and Lindsey both say.

Camille seems okay with a meat-eater eating steak, too. (Maybe I should've challenged the logic on this one, saying something like “Steak from a cute little cow,” but I go the easy route and let them distance meat words from animal words. I'm really being practical here—I don't want to risk Camille upsetting her parents by becoming a vegetarian at age 5, plus I don't want Camille to upset Lindsey, who is getting a bit tired at this time of the day, by continuing to call her chosen plaything “bad.”)

Picture of T-Rex, by Mindy 9-1987. The T-Rex seems to be ignoring the child and going for the tree!

Now all three girls seem to think the tyrannosaur is a good guy. The older girls are using scraps of fabric to clothe him, which involves getting out the ruler again and measuring him. Soon Lindsey informs us that he is ill. They make a call to the dino doctor to find out what to do.


Camille has rummaged through the dinosaur model box and discovered the two-headed dragon (we just don't have enough dragon models for their own box!). She has the dragon tell Mindy to go get more meat. “We're running out of meat!” she says.


It turns out that Camille's dragon is sick, too. More phone calls.


Lindsey feels that a green pillow would comfort T-rex, and we all help her use scrap fabric to make one. As he lays down on the finished product, Lindsey says, “He has mucus. He's going to die!”

The other two girls make sympathetic comments...


What with the scissors and the needles, I had to be right in the thick of the threesome a lot today, and it has given me a chance to notice how much Lindsey adds to the richness of play. When I am not so near their play, it sometimes seems that she is mostly a disruption to the older girls' pretend scenarios, because I hear more from the girls when there are problems than when there is collaboration.


The girls make a move to go outside to play. I insist on them helping to clean up the scraps of fabric, and then they race outdoors. I finish up putting away scissors, needle and thread and then sit down with my notebook to write all of this stuff down.

I don't know what they're playing outside, but I hear through the screen door the word “protoceratops.” A few minutes later, the girls go through the house and into the garage, calling back to me, “We need hammers.”

“What? Why?”

I am picturing actual tools and a whole new level of supervision, but Mindy emerges from the garage with three croquet mallets.
She begins to answer my question. “We need them to dig out the fossils we found.”

Camille explains, “You and Jim are paleontologists, and we are your children.”


Mindy goes on, “And we found a bed of fossils.”


The kids have scrounged a plastic container from somewhere and return to the back yard. I see that they are hammering at the dirt with their croquet mallets, and then collecting pieces of rock in the container.

“Look at all these fossils, Mom!” Lindsey says through the screen door.


Mindy is so excited by two of her finds, she comes in to show me. “Look, Mom, dinosaur teeth!”


I ask, “Is the dinosaur a meat eater or a plant eater?”


Mindy holds up one of the rocks, which is rather round, and says, “Plant eater.” Then she holds up the other rock, which is sharp, and adds, “And a meat eater.”


A few minutes later, Maria arrives, and the girls get to tell her about the sewing projects and the sick dinosaur and dragon and the bed of fossils. Another day summarized in a few excited bursts...


But it's hard to truly explain all the rich complexity that is a day!

When Does Pretending Become Lying?


As I re-read my third journal entry, I notice that I entered into a pretend game that Mindy had started by leaving a note purportedly from an elf. And I “lied” about it: I said, “I didn't write it.”

Only thing is, I wasn't lying.


I was playin
g. I was pretending. The kids knew the note was really from me—I hadn't disguised my handwriting (or, rather, printing), and I even used the same pen I had been using all day writing in my journal.

So,
that exonerates me, right?

This rhetorical (and rather silly) question touches on the subject of fantasy characters that our entire society seems to claim are real. Namely, the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy, and Santa Claus.


Many of us
feel pretty comfortable pretending these things for our kids. It's fun! Most of us had these characters in our own childhoods, and we often have fond memories surrounding their names. It's not lying...is it?

But when kids start to question these characters, it can be tricky. When do we continue the fantasy (that is, lie)? When do we answer truthfully? How far should we take such fu
n pretenses?

Some parents hate the idea of lying to their kids and always present these characters as fun fantasies. (Of course, non-Christian parents have an entirely different set of challenges regarding two out of three of these characters!)


I did do the tooth fairy thing. I also hid eggs. I ate cookies left for Santa and put presents in stockings. But, when I was doing all that fun stuff, I made sure there were PLENTY of clues tha
t my kids could use to figure reality out, when they were ready to. For example, if Santa left a thank you note on top of the cookie crumbs, or left a gift with a gift tag, he used my writing. If he wrapped a gift, he used the same wrapping paper I used. It really wasn't too hard to figure out.

Mindy asked if Santa was real when she was about five years old. I asked, “Do you really want to know?”

She said yes, so I told her that her dad and I played Santa by putting presents in the stockings and under the tree
. I said some mish-mash kind of stuff—you know, the idea of Santa (as a form of love or a spirit of giving) is real, stuff like that. Then I told her that she shouldn't ever ruin the pretend game about Santa for other kids—especially not younger kids. “Can you keep playing pretend about Santa?” I asked.

She solemnly agreed to do so and never, to my knowledge, broke that promise. She seemed really pleased to be in on a secret.


Wow, that went
so well!

I vowed I would do the same thing with Lindsey – wait until she asked, check to be sure she really wanted to know, and then tell her truth.


Flash forward two + years. Lindsey was five or six and had reservations about the tooth fairy, who had supposedly made a visit to our house the night before.
“Mom, is the tooth fairy real, or do you put the money under the pillow?”
“Do you really want to know?” I asked.
“Yes!!!”
“Well, I put the money under the pillow. But it's fun to pretend about the tooth fairy, so we can keep pretending if you want.”
“Yes, I do!” Lindsey said. She's a smart cookie. Pretending would undoubtedly keep the money flowing.
A few minutes later, everybody else had gone on to other things. But Lindsey interrupted us, asking,
“What about the Easter bunny, Mom? Is that real?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“Yes!”

“Well, your dad and I get the things for the Easter baskets and hide the eggs, too. But don't you find it fun to pretend?”

Lindsey seemed so pleased. I think she'd always been nervous that a real, large (some of the baskets were fairly large, so it stood to reason that the bunny carrying them would be jumbo-sized, too) rabbit sometimes roamed around the house. I was pretty sure that Lindsey was pleased that she'd figured all this stuff out, too. She agreed to keep on pretending about the Easter bunny.

A minute or two later, she asked the final question.


Notice, it was phrased a little differently:


“But Santa's real, right?”

The way she put it made me gulp a little. It sounded to me like Santa was in an ENTIRELY different category than those other two fantasy characters. But I was in truth-telling mode, so I asked, “Do you really want to know?”


At that point Lindsey did know, and she was really, really disappointed. I can't even remember what happened—what she said, what I said, whether or not she cried. I remember it was a painful moment for me, probably because it was a very painful moment for her.

It wasn't devastating or long-lasting, thank goodness, but I wondered what I had done wrong:

Was my mistake playing Santa (that is, lying to my kids) in the first place?
Was my mistake telling Lindsey the truth before she was really ready – and, believe me, I knew that she was going to be disappointed from the way she phrased the question!

Or did I honestly not make a mistake? Maybe things just played out the way they played out, end of story. We can't spare our kids every disappointment.

But...I'm not positive about any of this...

Invoking a Substitute

When our young children are too tired to finish an academic task or chore, too shy to give an oral report, or too upset to make peace with their siblings, we can sometimes help them by suggesting that a substitute do the job.


A substitute?

Of course, we can't call up a substitute kid to do the task, but dolls, stuffed animals, and even costumes and masks can provide, through the power of make-believe, a substitute ready and willing to do stuff.

I noticed that the second day of my homeschool journal tells an anecdote about Lindsey, age 3, being too tired to play the entire piano keyboard/alphabet. But when I asked if her doll wanted to finish, Lindsey rallied and used her doll to do the task much more energetically, even, than she had done the first half as herself.

Naturally. After all, the doll wasn't tired. And, unlike Lindsey, she didn't have a virus.

By pretending to be her doll, Lindsey seemed to tap into reserves of energy.

I remember many times when donning a costume or mask, or manipulating a doll or stuffed animal—or even just pretending to be something or someone else—made my kids braver or more confident or more capable. Even the simple act of holding a stick puppet, for example, allowed Mindy to do a presentation to a group that she was otherwise to shy to speak to. Having dolls negotiate a peace treaty helped my kids distance themselves from the action and gain a more reasonable perspective. Pretending to be Mary-Poppins-style magic as we cleaned the room—singing “A Spoonful of Sugar” at the top of our lungs—made the chore much more fun.

So when the going gets tough, consider calling on a substitute.